Question?

Why is it that Military Medicine makes everything so difficult? At this point the answer to me is this... If they can make the process of diagnosing infertility painful enough and getting referrals to specialists frustrating enough the patient will not want to continue the process, in turn saving the hospital and the insurance company money. Clearly they do not realize that those of us who want motherhood but are having problems getting there will do what it takes to achieve success no matter the pain or frustration. If you think about it, along with all the joys of children there is a phenomenal amount of frustration and pain. That is why women and not men go through childbirth. That is why mothers feel every ounce of pain and disappointment their children go through during their life. I know this is fact because I have seen what my mother has gone through with every step that I have taken, good and bad, through out my life.

The last paragraph stems from my experience yesterday with my endometrial biopsy. Many people who have had this done will say the at is not bad at all. Others will say it is horrible. The same seems to be true with the HSG. The endometrial biopsy is not as painful however it is still not a pleasant experience.

I find it interesting that I was given Valium and Celebrex plus Lidocaine to numb my cervix and uterus but was given nothing at all for the more painful HSG. The difference astounds me. The HSG was done at Navy Hospital and the biopsy was done at the fertility clinic. My cervix is still in the same position, apparently not the most accessible spot, yet my new doctor was able to insert the catheter without having to pierce my cervix with a Tenaculum(mini icepick looking instrument). I was given Lidocaine a numbing medicine for the biopsy nothing for the HSG. Granted I asked for something for anxiety because my HSG experience scared me for life, but my new doctor had no problem giving me something. I can only imagine what the biopsy would have been like without the analgesia. Because with it I was still not pain free, but not as bad as my HSG.

Our next step in this journey is the Treatment Plan. We meet with the doctor again on Monday March 26, so we can discuss the TP. I am very excited because I do really well when I know what steps we take next. I know the Clomid doesn't work for me so I am finding it difficult because I don't know where we go from here. At the TP I will know the next step and if that doesn't work what's next and so on.

On a side note, I was sort of afraid that the stress of this process would have a negative effect on our marriage but so far I feel it is bringing us closer.

Getting No Where Fast...

That is how I feel today. I went for blood work and an ultrasound on Friday and my "follicle" was 8mm. I went back again today and we have achieved and 11mm follicle which sounds fantastic right. OK not so much. Today day 19 of my cycle, I should have already had a follicle that was at least 15mm, not to mention I should have ovulated. Donna informed me that at this point they do not believe I will be ovulating this cycle so they scheduled me for an endometrial biopsy on March 14. Gee that sounds like so much fun doesn't it. After my HSG and some other GYN procedures I have had done my stress and anxiety level are about to hit the roof.

I know I am supposed to be keeping positive but today frankly, I just don't feel like being positive. Neal is doing much better than me in that department which is ironic to all of you who know my husband really well. Ha. He is just pleased because he feels like we have done more in one month with this doctor then in over a year with the Navy docs. Also he does well when there is a plan in place. As far as he is concerned this diagnostic month is part of the plan. As far as I am concerned, today at least, I am just growing more frustrated.

It is funny because I have this tendency to make light of frustrating situations, for instance... I find it very ironic that I am having difficulty conceiving yet I work in Labor and Delivery so I am surrounded by pregnant women all the time. I also look at many of the young women and girls that come into have their babies and think, maybe I should dumb down, do drugs, and sleep around and then maybe I might be able to have a baby. This made the girls at the fertility office laugh today. At least I could help brighten their day.

I know this is somewhat of a negative post, sorry for that. I have hope tomorrow will be a better day. So for anyone who is reading this blog that is having trouble getting pregnant, I say to you, it is OK to have bad days, sad days, and negative days. There is nothing wrong with that as long as you keep having hope that tomorrow or next week something good may come from all this struggling. I have hope that I will finally get pregnant, and when I do become a mother, all of this frustration will have taught me to be patient and I will be a better mother because of it.