Long time no post!

Boy, 3 months have passed since I last posted. It doesn't seem that long ago, but yet it seems like an eternity.

Big news! After being told by the "Fertility Specialist" that I wasn't going to have success getting pregnant for a while I am. Actually the day my hubby and I were sitting in the doctors office getting the news that it wasn't going to happen right away, I was actually pregnant. Good to know doctors aren't always right. My next best piece of advice is follow your own instincts. Shortly after that appointment I was supposed to start on provera to bring on a period and I wasn't feeling well, so I decided not to take it. Good for me because if I had taken it I would have miscarried and probably never know it.

How did we find out you ask? Funny story. Specialist put me on Atkins diet. Apparently other over weight women in this world can have babies but not me! Cramping which now I know was implantation started. I thought I had an infection from the endometrial biopsy. Called specialist, told nurse, got a call back from nurse saying it was probably a yeast infection and to go to my PCP. Of course I couldn't get an appointment with her so I settled for some other doc. I was put on antibiotics because she said it was an infection from the biopsy. For the next week I proceeded to vomit like I have never vomited before. Switch medicine... no relief. So Saturday, April 7th, I went to the emergency room at NHP very dehydrated and still cramping. Dr. Torres was there. LOVE him. He was my doctor the night I miscarried in 2005 and he was also there the last time I had to go in for dehydration after our garage sale in 2006. He is fabulous. He ran a bunch of tests, one of which was a urine pregnancy test, apparently that was something that seemed to escape all the other doctors I had seen.

The nurse came in and showed him the results. "That is interesting." was his response. She left the room after being told to run a level. He sat down and asked if Neal and I were using birth control during our fertility work up, to which I replied, Am I pregnant?!!!!!!!!!! Well yes. To which Neal and I looked at each other in amazement and said well that explains A LOT.

So today, June 15th, three months after my last post, I am 15 weeks and 4 days pregnant.

Crazy the way life works sometimes.

Question?

Why is it that Military Medicine makes everything so difficult? At this point the answer to me is this... If they can make the process of diagnosing infertility painful enough and getting referrals to specialists frustrating enough the patient will not want to continue the process, in turn saving the hospital and the insurance company money. Clearly they do not realize that those of us who want motherhood but are having problems getting there will do what it takes to achieve success no matter the pain or frustration. If you think about it, along with all the joys of children there is a phenomenal amount of frustration and pain. That is why women and not men go through childbirth. That is why mothers feel every ounce of pain and disappointment their children go through during their life. I know this is fact because I have seen what my mother has gone through with every step that I have taken, good and bad, through out my life.

The last paragraph stems from my experience yesterday with my endometrial biopsy. Many people who have had this done will say the at is not bad at all. Others will say it is horrible. The same seems to be true with the HSG. The endometrial biopsy is not as painful however it is still not a pleasant experience.

I find it interesting that I was given Valium and Celebrex plus Lidocaine to numb my cervix and uterus but was given nothing at all for the more painful HSG. The difference astounds me. The HSG was done at Navy Hospital and the biopsy was done at the fertility clinic. My cervix is still in the same position, apparently not the most accessible spot, yet my new doctor was able to insert the catheter without having to pierce my cervix with a Tenaculum(mini icepick looking instrument). I was given Lidocaine a numbing medicine for the biopsy nothing for the HSG. Granted I asked for something for anxiety because my HSG experience scared me for life, but my new doctor had no problem giving me something. I can only imagine what the biopsy would have been like without the analgesia. Because with it I was still not pain free, but not as bad as my HSG.

Our next step in this journey is the Treatment Plan. We meet with the doctor again on Monday March 26, so we can discuss the TP. I am very excited because I do really well when I know what steps we take next. I know the Clomid doesn't work for me so I am finding it difficult because I don't know where we go from here. At the TP I will know the next step and if that doesn't work what's next and so on.

On a side note, I was sort of afraid that the stress of this process would have a negative effect on our marriage but so far I feel it is bringing us closer.

Getting No Where Fast...

That is how I feel today. I went for blood work and an ultrasound on Friday and my "follicle" was 8mm. I went back again today and we have achieved and 11mm follicle which sounds fantastic right. OK not so much. Today day 19 of my cycle, I should have already had a follicle that was at least 15mm, not to mention I should have ovulated. Donna informed me that at this point they do not believe I will be ovulating this cycle so they scheduled me for an endometrial biopsy on March 14. Gee that sounds like so much fun doesn't it. After my HSG and some other GYN procedures I have had done my stress and anxiety level are about to hit the roof.

I know I am supposed to be keeping positive but today frankly, I just don't feel like being positive. Neal is doing much better than me in that department which is ironic to all of you who know my husband really well. Ha. He is just pleased because he feels like we have done more in one month with this doctor then in over a year with the Navy docs. Also he does well when there is a plan in place. As far as he is concerned this diagnostic month is part of the plan. As far as I am concerned, today at least, I am just growing more frustrated.

It is funny because I have this tendency to make light of frustrating situations, for instance... I find it very ironic that I am having difficulty conceiving yet I work in Labor and Delivery so I am surrounded by pregnant women all the time. I also look at many of the young women and girls that come into have their babies and think, maybe I should dumb down, do drugs, and sleep around and then maybe I might be able to have a baby. This made the girls at the fertility office laugh today. At least I could help brighten their day.

I know this is somewhat of a negative post, sorry for that. I have hope tomorrow will be a better day. So for anyone who is reading this blog that is having trouble getting pregnant, I say to you, it is OK to have bad days, sad days, and negative days. There is nothing wrong with that as long as you keep having hope that tomorrow or next week something good may come from all this struggling. I have hope that I will finally get pregnant, and when I do become a mother, all of this frustration will have taught me to be patient and I will be a better mother because of it.

The Last 2 weeks in Review

First of all, sorry I have taken so long to up date. I went in for an ultrasound and blood work on Friday the 16th. My uterus looked good and the lining of it was what it was supposed to look like. I can honestly say I really never thought I would care about what my uterus looks like. Then again I never really thought I would be writing a blog about this adventure. Come to think of it you guys probably never thought you would be reading a blog about my adventure to motherhood...LOL.

Seriously now, that ultrasound also told us that my ovaries had about 15 plus follicles in them and apparently that is a good thing. So I started on the increased Clomid dosage, 100mg, on Monday the 19th and took it till Friday. I thought I was supposed to start it 2 days earlier however everything is based on the ultrasounds and blood work results, and just about everything is called a cycle day. I had an ultrasound appointment for today but was supposed to call if I had a positive result on the ovulation predictor kit. Basically it looks like a pregnancy test but in stead of the second line appearing if you are pregnant, the ovulation kit always has a second line, the positive reading depends on the color. If one is lighter it is neg, if they are the same you have a positive reading. Yeah, that's helpful, NOT. I wonder what the color blind do? Of course there is a Clear Blue Easy Test that is a happy face or a circle but that is ridiculously more expensive. So I am left with my "peeing on a stick" and my hopeful brain, IS IT? YES!!!! YES! well maybe not. I don't know, I think it it yes. No no I think it is negative. So at this point, Monday night, I gather all my tests and bring them to work for the nurses to look at. Tuesday morning I call Dr. Ripps office and they tell me to come in at 915. Here we go!!!!!

The ultrasound and blood work. Not really good news with the ultrasound. My left ovary has 15 follicles and my right has 20. This is good however their size, not so much, they measure less then 7mm each. At this point in my cycle they should be 15mm or greater. So now I feel really ridiculous because I obviously can't differentiate positive from negative on my "stick."

Oh, I forgot to mention my lovely side effects from the medication I am taking. HOT FLASHES. Oh how fun they are! Mom, I know you know what that feels like so you have sympathy for me. ( You always want Mom to have sympathy for you because she loves you so much) I also seem to be in a perpetual state of nausea. Yesterday I was on my way to the doctors office and I had to stop at a gas station and throw up. That was fun. And then there is the moodiness and teariness. Neal loves that. All the symptoms of early pregnancy with NOTHING to show for it. So at this point I want my mommy to fly down to Pensacola snuggle me and to make me pastina (my comfort food, and Italian recipe of pasta, egg, butter, and milk). Very low fat, no, not so much. My husband always joked that that is why Italian Kids are porky. Clearly he needs to be smacked. LOL

Back to the Doctor. Donna from his office called today and scheduled me for more blood work and another ultrasound this Friday at 9am. She said my blood work came back and it seems I have a consistently higher level of Lutenizing Hormone (LH) hence the false positives on the Ovulation Kits. Yeah, I am not crazy. OK people stop laughing. All of my friends know that is debatable. In case you were wondering, LH is the hormone you test for because it surges right before you ovulate. That tells you when to NOOKIE! :) Good News for the HUBBY! LOL.

OK, so I am trying to add a little humor to a somewhat frustrating experience.

Here goes..

Last night I was working and I got my period so of course I was ecstatic. It is funny to me how most of my friends wish they didn't have the monthly friend visit. Oh no not me, I celebrate it. Seriously though, I called the doctor to tell him I got it. I have an appointment tomorrow for more blood work and an ultrasound. I am fairly sure the ultrasound tomorrow is a baseline. I know already I start Clomid on Saturday but from there I am not sure what is next. I guess I will find out tomorrow morning. Unfortunately Neal can't come with me for my ultrasound because he has to work. That is a bit of a bummer, but I am sure this will not be my last ultrasound. I probably have about 3 more this month alone.

So, here goes a very busy exciting month. I am very positive and very hopeful.

Oh the Hormones

I can sympathise with all those menopausal women out there. The hormones I am taking have totally messed with my internal temperature gauge. I am hot and cold, hot and cold. My loving husband who for all that know him is a very "warm" guy is about to shoot me. No not literally. It is the war of the air conditioning and the heating system here. I turn the air on he turns the heat on. Now I am sitting in my house the temp is 69 deg. in my house and I am sweating YES sweating. I came home from work the other morning and the man who sweats non stop in bed had a sheet, comforter, and a very warm fur blanket from Korea on top of the bed. The man who is almost always in shorts has had on sweat pants for the last 4 days. Oh what we infertile women do to have a baby. LOL.

I am being bugged to get my loving stepson a snack and drink, so got to go. I will try to post soon but not much will go on till about next Friday so definitely check back then.

What I have learned today...

Today I have learned

1. It is very hard to stay awake on night shift when you can't eat or drink (especially caffeine).

2. I really need to learn how to stay awake on night shift with out eating. Apparently I have
been eating myself awake for the last 6 months. This fact is evidenced in my lack of a waist
line.

3. It is really hard for Medical Techs to draw blood from you when you have had nothing to eat
or drink in 8 hours. This fact is evidenced by the 5 needle marks in my arms (2 in the left, 3
in the right).

4. The last thing I learned today is don't make a habit of going to the "Red Circle Boutique"
when you have 2 hours to kill in between blood tests. You will spend all the money you
needed to save in order to get pregnant. Just kidding Honey, I didn't spend all the money at
Target I went to Michals too!

PS. He is not going to find that last one humorous.